Aquarium, the Castle, Zoo, and the Festival in Edinburgh visitors
The line graph given illustrates the data about the number of visitors who went to the various tourist attractions, namely Aquarium, the Castle, Zoo, the Festival in Edinburgh over the course 30 years from 1980 to 2010.
Overall, the rate of visitors to the zoo and the castle was an upward trend, whereas the number of this came to other places declined over the period.
In 1980, the festival was the most favourite attraction, about 30% compared with the rate of visitors came to the castle and aquarium were less popular, 23% and 20% respectively. With 10% for the zoo was the least interesting with tourists.
During the early 20 years, there was a rapid growth in tourists to the castle from 25% to 45% and then it dropped considerably to 30% in 2010. This was the same for the aquarium. Visitors significantly increased to 35% in 1985. Then it fell gradually to under 10% after rising slightly in 1995, about 23%. Furthermore, the figure of travellers who came to the festival fluctuated slightly but in general remained stable, about 25%. In addition, the visitors to the zoo oscillated moderately between 1980 and 2000 before rising gradually to 20% in 2010.
Is it alright if you provide the line graph to assist me in providing a feedback?
In line with that, I recommend optimizing your essay. When creating technical observations, try to utilize your space more effectively through (1) evading repetitive interpretations of the text and (2) making more substantive lines through omitting lines you do not necessarily need.
Watch out for your preposition, punctuation, structure, and flow of the sentences.
Let's revise a few portions of your essays in accordance.
The line graph illustrates the data on the number of visitors who visited the Aquarium, the Castle, Zoo, and the Festival in Edinburgh in a span of 3 decades from 1980 to 2010.
Overall, the rate of visitors to the Zoo and the castle experienced an upward trend, whereas the same figures declined for others.
Try to create more context/categorization in your content.
Best of luck!
Because there is no image attached, after reading your essay, I suppose this graph illustrates the PROPORTION of tourists. That's why i think you should use proportion/percentage/rate instead of NUMBER in INTRODUCTION sentence.
I would like to edit something grammatically in your essay:
- The rates 'Overall, the rate" were... whereas the proportion...
- In 1980, the percentage of tourists chose the Festival was highest, at 30%, while the figures for castle and aquarium were slightly lower, at 23% and 20% respectively
- You should notice when plural nouns are used and how to use sentence to describe percentage.
Best of luck!
Thank you, Maria