factors to be successful in sport
Recently, there have been many dabates surrounding whether human's physical or mental ability is crucial in order to be successful in sport. Whereas many people advocate physical strength, others claim that mental strength is more vital. From my standpoint, I believe that each of these view has its own reasons but personally, I support the second view.
To begin with, there is no denying in that to succeed in sport, people need physical strength. As we all know, a strong physical condition is essential in our ordinary life, we need it in working, studying, exercising, playing,... almost every aspect. This importance multiples when it comes to sport competitions. In order to achieve their goal, athletes have to train continuously to improve their physical abilities because in their head, these athletes know that a good physique is extremely vital for success. This has motivated them to train everyday, pushed them to do things that no other can.
A good physical condition is undeniably important, but is it more crucial than a stable mentality? The answer is no. According to a survey, in their training process, many athletes have to deal with a giantic amount of stress, they have to cope with anxiey, frustration, depression,... and other mental issues. This has prevented them, these athletes with exceptional physical abilities, from winning. Therefore, it is clear that a healthy mental condition is vital for success, and probably more crucial than a good physique. Back to the athletes with unstable mental health, if they had stopped for a bit during training, let themselves rest mentally, found ways to solve their problems, they could've performed better. From this we can see that people need to pay more attention to their mentality because it is important and deserved more recognition.
To sum up, both physical and mental strength are vital in order to be successful in sport. However, in many cases, a stable mental health is more crucial than a strong physique and people should focus more on their mentality.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,407 3386
Good discussion. Bad presentation format. The format says discuss both points of view, THEN present your own opinion. The way that you presented this discussion shows a singular point of view. No, referring to a survey does not represent the other point of view. No, using the word "we" does not represent the public point of view. These all represent a personal opinion in first person form. That is not the correct approach to take in this essay.
For each public point of view you must use the third person pronoun to explain their discussion reason in the paragraph. For example:
There are people that believe physical strength is more important in sports. They base this opinion on the understanding that... I would like to counter this opinion based on my personal understanding that... For example... Hence my opposition to this belief.
Now, there are those who say that mental strength is more important. Their specific explanation for supporting this idea is that... In my point of view... This is based upon...
Therefore when one consider the discussion of... Considering (point 1) and (point 2), I am of the opinion that...
It is better to show an analytical method of discussion, giving a personal opinion for each point of view, with a strong support for one and a strong opposition for the other. That way, you cover both requirements of the discussion format, the public explanation and the personal opinion.
By the way, you can only use one punctuation mark in a sentence. You cannot use both. I do not know why but a very common problem for exam takers these days is the successive use of a comma and the ellipses. This is a violation of punctuation usage rules and should not be done in academic, creative, or informal paper presentations. Use only one punctuation mark at a time or risk getting severe GRA scoring deductions in the actual test.