(HOPE TO SEE AS MANY COMMENTS FROM YOU AS POSSIBLE)
the influence of high-tech industry on the way people communicate with others
It is unequivocal that the effect of high-tech industry on the way people communicate to others is magnitude. While many argue that this tendency is problematic, I believe that its benefits are far more significant.
The development of technology has been leading to tangible changes in several aspects of modern life. Many people are in favor of online conversations rather than direct ones because it helps them save a colossal amount of time. Additionally, the proliferation of the Internet encourages individuals to express themselves on social media openly. Apart from that, it is easier for someone to make a new relationship based on dating apps.
On the one hand, there are those who claim that these changes should be avoided for a number of reasons. Firstly, indirect conversations make the connection of relationships decrease. When people almost transfer messages and call by videos, instead of face-to-face talks, they are unlikely to deal with empirical situations. Secondly, the promotion of the Internet seduces some people into using it excessively. They consider their online lives as an important part of life, and they seem to rely on others' reaction on the Internet.
On the other hand, I side with those who content that people benefit from this trend more the detrimental effects. With the growing of technology, it is convenient for people to keep contact in long-distance relationships. For example, students studying abroad are able to talk to their family through video calls. Moreover, using technology contributes to protecting the environment in some ways. Individuals who are in their own room manage their businesses, so the use of transportation will go down. This results in a decrease in the amount of emission from vehicle gone into the atmosphere.
To conclude, despite some drawbacks of technology development, I recognize its positive impacts on relationships between individuals.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,407 3386
It will be difficult to review your essay for prompt responsiveness, clarity, and vocabulary usage because you forgot to include the original prompt in your statement. Please include the discussion requirements the next time you post an essay for review here. In the meantime, let me offer a general review of your work. It should still prove to be useful to you in the improvement of your writing skills.
Kindly remember that you are practicing to write in British English. There are small differences between the British and America English spelling, not meaning. While you will be given an allowance by the examiner for spelling in American English, you will score better in the LR section if the examiner can see that you are familiar with the British word spelling. It is not difficult to spot the differences, there are online sources that has listings for the basic words that are spelled differently in both languages. I strongly advise you to take note of those differences and spell accordingly in your next practice test. A sample of the difference is "Favor" (American) v "Favour" (British). Same meaning, different spelling.
Your paragraphs have good topic sentences, but lack in supporting arguments. In the second paragraph. You presented a reason, an under developed explanation, then a new reason immediately. Use all 5 sentences to explain your single reason. That creates more cohesiveness and coherence in the paragraph, making it more understandable to the examiner. If the examiner fully appreciates your explanation, your score in the C&C section will be improved.
Your conclusion does not summarize your discussion points and your opinion. Since this is still part of the 3 sentence minimum requirement, you will lose points in the TA section for it. I am unsure as to how to wrap up this essay because of the missing prompt. I will be unable to show you better examples of a conclusion for your paragraph because of it. The same goes for the prompt paraphrase. I am not sure if you did it properly because of the lack of a comparison point (original prompt).