Topic: In many countries, people like to eat a wide variety of food that can be grown in other areas. As a result, people eat more food produced in other regions than local food. Do the disadvantages of this trend outweigh its advantages?
benefits of food diversity
In the current globalized world, people have more choice to taste food in other regions and they even eat more globalized food than local food. I think this is a good trend, though it may cause some venerable traditional food disappear.
Firstly, increased variety of food gives those people a lot of conveniences who have special requirements. For example, the vegetarian will find more choices in the supermarket, especially when they live in an area that vegetarianism is not so popular. This definitely improves their life qualities. Besides, more food choices imply more freedom on selecting one's eating style.
Secondly, food imported from other areas will compete with locally produced food, which means that customers can buy food with the higher quality, under the same price level. Because of the competition pressure, food production business must endeavor to level the food quality up in the aspects of tasty, materials, and so on. Meanwhile, the business will try to maintain or even decrease their price in order to be more attractive. Such competition would benefit customers in the aspects of eating and drinking.
However, some local traditional food may receive bad influence. Large globalized companies have more mature production technologies, which means they are usually far more efficient than those small local traditional food producers. In addition, large companies have more ability of advertising while the local food may only rely on a recommendation from person to person. Therefore, eventually, those traditional food producers are likely to disappear in this industry because of lack of ability of business competition. Meanwhile, it also means that the traditional methods of producing food, which makes up a part of local culture, will disappear.
In conclusion, although the food diversity may disturb culture diversity, the benefits of food diversity outweigh than its disadvantages.
The third paragraph of your essay saying,"Secondly, food imported ... under the same price level." is not possible because imported products are highly prised then local products because they are taxed and there are middlemen who seek to have profit.
I hope you will understand. By the way, I am not an expert, wait till the experts reply.
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Lois, I believe that your essay has the right discussion intentions but unfortunately, it doesn't really match with the required presentation. Since you are being asked to represent the advantages and disadvantages of this trend, in order to defend your personal opinion on the matter, a clearer compare and contrast presentation, based on paragraph topic presentations was more required. A suggested discussion outline for this essay would be as follows:
Body par. 1 - Advantages
Body par. 2 - Disadvantages
Body par. 3 - Final opinion based on personal beliefs
You should keep your discussion general in reference as much as possible, without centering on a specific example or discussion such as vegetarianism because that particular example creates a different discussion. The general discussion could be done in reference to how the eating style of people in your country has changed. That is specific enough to apply to a particular sector but vague enough to not focus on a particular culinary lifestyle.
Your opening paraphrase does not clearly outline the original topic title, basis for the discussion and thesis statement. A better wording would have been:
Globalized food sources have resulted in people having the ability to try foods that they did not previously have access to. As such, people tend to have a more international taste when it comes to culinary enjoyment these days. I believe that such a redirection in people's food tastes could be advantageous for several reasons.
Please learn how to use the concluding statement to a better degree in order to improve your score. While some people do write only single sentence closures, these presentations limit your TA scoring consideration. By using the closing statement as a reverse of the original prompt, meaning you will restate the topic for discussion, follow up with a summary of the topic sentences, then restate your opinion at the end, you will close the essay by presenting the examiner with your best closing discussion for the essay.
Because I am a reading, not a professional writer so I just comment on my point-of-view. Your thesis statement is effective so that I can predict what you are going to talk about. But if you expand your conclusion wider, your essay will be more persuasive.