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                Writing IELTS task 2 : Convenience Food and Preparation Time

                Frisilia 1 / -  
                Mar 22, 2017   #1
                Convenience food will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation.

                To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

                Time More Important than Healthy Food?

                Food is one of fundamental needs of human lives. Lately, human revamp traditional food with modern food. While, cultural food once used to be an honor, but now has been replaced with ready to eat meals. I agree that convenience food is preferred to traditional food. However, I also believe that processed food will not be prevalent.

                Availability of fast food is preferred by people who life in fast working environment since they don't have much time to prepare their food. Jakarta, capital city Indonesia as an example, workers usually go to their company early in the morning, they have to finish all work within a day, so that they do not have time to make homemade food tend to buy fast food. It's clear that some people choose fast food to cut the time

                The convenience food cannot be replaced with other kinds of food because it is the sacred of traditional food. It represents identity of a certain region. For instance, Like in my hometown, the local food is PECEL, although, fast food restaurant available in everywhere, the society still fixed use traditional food as their daily food. Therefore, traditional food are never be erased with quick food.

                To conclude, I disagree if convenience food would replace traditional food. Even though it seems like convenience food will completely drag traditional food. However, there are a lot of disadvantages of having convenience food. They are certainly not going to stay for long and would fade away as time goes by. But some people argue that fast food will ease everything, people don't need to waste their time for cook. So, they are able to benefit their time to do the other activities.
                Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,432 3397  
                Mar 23, 2017   #2
                Frisilia, with this kind of sloppy sentence development and lack of focus on proper grammar presentation, your essay is going to be prevented from gaining a score higher than a 4. One of the main reasons that your essay cannot get a score higher than that is because you failed to use proper punctuation marks in your essay. The predominance of the comma use, when a period would have been more appropriate, created a wrong format for the essay. You created single, continuous sentences rather than thoughtful single sentences. The lack of periods in the paragraphs caused undue stress for the reader that the examiner will not be able to ignore. Then, there is the improper conclusion where you presented your opinion rather than a closing summary of the discussion. I do not know if your tutor has told you this but, in an academic discussion such as this, you are not allowed, to present a new idea in your conclusion because the opinion you have is expected to be presented in a stand alone paragraph prior to the conclusion. Violating this academic writing rule is one of the major reasons that your essay failed to get a passing grade.

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