Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 2

Many claim that the important factor in sport is physical strength; however, the opponents disagree

Aurora27 1 / -  
Feb 19, 2021   #1

Sports - mental vs physical strength (ielts 2)

Sport has become an issue of board interest to the general public. Many adopt a view that the important factor in sport is physical strength; however, the opponents agrue that mental strength too should be prioritized. The following essay will discuss both of school and give my opinion.

On the one hand, there is no point in denying that physical health is one of the basic backgrounds of players. They seem to spend their young to practice before joining in competition. For example, football players are trained by trainer before a half year before they are competed officially on the stadium. If they do not many exercises to advance their skill or enduring possibility, they will be knocked out by strong opponents. That is a reason we could not reject the important level of physical strength.

On the other hand, the mental strength is so crucial that they do not use smartphone before competing. Because, the may receive threaten mail,or bad comment which make their mood become awful, they can not recover balance on time. The spirit of participants may scale of the successful rate of competition. That is a reason why if kicker brings bad mood to play that competition, they may make the team fail deplorably. Otherwise, competitors are full confident and energy, they will support their team with 100 percent power.

In conclusion, physical health and mental health are factors which support participants to bring victory for team. In my view, authorities should provide suitable budget for athelete to be improve their health.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,317 3351  
Feb 20, 2021   #2
The essay instructions requires a 4 paragraph comparison discussion with your personal opinion presented. Your approach to the writing did not consider the public reasons for the 2 points of view. These are presented only in a general discussion format, which does not differentiate between the public and your personal opinion. So the format for the response is incorrect. It is important to be clear about how you are creating your opinion, based on the public discussion. So you can try using the following, clearer format next time:

Reason 1:
Sentence 1: The public believes that...
Sentence 2: They base this belief on the publicly known explanation that....
Sentence 3: However, I oppose this point of view.
Sentence 4: I believe otherwise because....
Sentence 5: Hence my non-support for this opinion

Reason 2:
Sentence 1: The other opinion is that...
Sentence 2: This is based on the reason that...
Sentence 3: I support this point of view.
Sentence 4: My support comes from...
Sentence 5: This is why I believe this opinion is correct.

The approach above is only an example of how you can more clearly represent both discussion points in every reasoning paragraph. You can create variations of the response depending upon how you would want to frame your response. Mine is only a suggested writing approach.

Home / Writing Feedback / Many claim that the important factor in sport is physical strength; however, the opponents disagree