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Reasons to choose Waterloo and mechanical engineering- Help with AIF


troyswack 1 / 3  
Feb 16, 2021   #1
I am about 20 characters over the word limit so any help would be appreciated. Also, if you see anything that could be improved feel free to let me know.

University of Waterloo application essay



Please tell us about your educational goals, your interest in your chosen program(s), and your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo. If you have applied to more than one program please discuss your interest in each program. (900 character limit)

My passion for complex problem solving and breaking boundaries has directed me to the ME program at UW. I aspire to gain knowledge beyond just mechanics. By learning about the laws of a professional engineer in ME 401 or being able to design and build a project with the design process in ME 481 and 482, I have every resource to become a well-rounded engineer, as well as achieve my dream of starting a company that designs and builds machines which improve the mechanical efficiency of production systems. Through the unique cohort system at Waterloo, I can easily network within the classroom and find like-minded individuals who are also passionate about mechanical issues, with whom I can collaborate to create our dream start-up. Waterloo's Concept pre-incubator will allow me to develop this company into a reality through the business leadership provided by the program, all the while supporting me in my studies.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,317 3351  
Feb 17, 2021   #2
Summarize your educational goals. It is too long. You should be able to better explain that within 2 sentences at the most, focusing more on the reasons why you chose Waterloo instead. Your familiarity with the programs shows you have given ample thought to the reasons why you chose Waterloo. The second sentence actually feels like it could be removed without affecting the overall presentation. Maybe because it does not relate directly to the program specifications. I believe that sentences can be deleted. Try to create a more summarized educational goal for the first part of the presentation. That should work well towards creating a more concise response.
OP troyswack 1 / 3  
Feb 17, 2021   #3
Okay thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it and here is the updated version.

My passion for complex problem solving and breaking boundaries has directed me to the ME program at UW. By learning about the laws of a professional engineer in ME 401 or creating a project with the design process in ME 481 and 482, I will have the resources to achieve my dream of starting a company that designs and builds machines which improve the mechanical efficiency of production systems. Through the unique cohort system at UW, I can easily network within the classroom and find like-minded individuals who are also passionate about mechanical issues, with whom I can work to create this start-up. UW's Concept pre-incubator will allow me to develop this company into a reality, using the advanced marketing and research strategies learned in the program to sculpt the company into being successful.
OP troyswack 1 / 3  
Feb 18, 2021   #4
@Holt

Thank you again


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