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                "Success is not final; failure is not fatal" - being a great participant in the Global UGRAD program

                elisabettgt 1 / -  
                Feb 14, 2021   #1
                Hi everyone! Please, check my essay for the Global UGRAD Program. It would be really great if you give me some advice and a critical point of view. Thank you in advance! For you to know, English is not my native language but I do have a B2 level. This is the first international scholarship that I apply for.

                The Global UGRAD Program is for young leaders committed to serving their home communities.

                Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program?

                Winston Churchill once said, "Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts success'' And while I never define my obstacles as 'failures,' I mark my success by my repeated perseverance through adversity. I have faced several challenges over the years, from experiencing illness to a socio-political war in my country and, then a world pandemic; yet I continued to pushing myself every day to become the professional that I long to be.

                When I was very young, it was unmanageable for me to make friends and talk to new people or in front of an audience. Despite that, I was always recognized for my speed of learning and intelligence. I left high school with excellent results both academically and in sports. Besides, I was awarded being one of the first persons to bring an international medal for my city in my performance in the 2016 Central American School Games.

                I started a Philosophy degree in 2017 at the Central American University. Honestly, my goal was always to study psychology but there were no quota places available. Many events happened, principally as I mentioned before: the socio-political war. I had to watch my colleagues fight for the country. The universities closed, the economic crisis was visible and consequently, my parents had a financial crisis. After the worst part of the war ended, I helped my mom with her restaurant but the income was too low to pay for my studies.

                Nevertheless, circumstances never stopped me. I studied for a while with my cousin who is a psychologist. I was her right hand in her work and I was able to learn empirically and observe the importance of mental health in our country. Furthermore, I saw the work and the insatiable desire to serve that a psychologist must-have. I am currently studying psychology at Central American University.

                In these years I have learned to serve, love more the degree I study because through it I can serve others regardless of race, age, sex, gender, political or religious ideology. I have impressively improved my social skills and now it is very easy for me to communicate and empathize, this thanks to the fact that I feel safe with myself and what I want for my future, my people, and my country. Moreover, I have plans to integrate into community services through my psychology studies. However, It has been fairly difficult because of the pandemic we are facing, but the desire to serve is always present.

                My purpose is to complete my bachelor's degree and earn a Doctorate of Forensic Psychology with a specialization in children and teenagers to assist in judicial procedures to access justice under conditions of equality and full guarantee of their fundamental rights. Since violence against children and adolescents in Nicaragua is a sad reality. I consider that I truly deserve this scholarship because I have the passion and determination to become a trusted member of the psychological community for the commitment that I have to psychology and it is what gives meaning to my life. With my education, I know that I can be a factor of change for my country to be fairer by making known the reality of human social behavior, its motivations, and its social consequences. This scholarship not only will help me with my personal and professional growth but will also improve the quality of life of countless families to come through knowledge and justice because the essence of life lies in serving others and doing good.
                Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,429 3397  
                Feb 14, 2021   #2
                Without the reference to how you have actually served your community, which is what the prompt asked you write about, this essay does not work as a personal statement. You do not have any community interaction that would prove you to be an upcoming leader or at least a civic minded individual who prioritizes helping others regardless of oneself. Yes, the essay is heart warming and dramatic, but there is nothing in the reference to indicate you are a socially responsible person. You were always a bystander or, helping your mom, which is not the same as helping your community. The essay itself does not work. It doesn't have the proper information focus, regardless of the personal connection present in the writing. Unless you can prove that somehow, you helped your community during these times rather than being a bystander, then you have failed to write a convincing leadership essay.

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